Just Before Dawn (1981)

Written by Jeff Lieberman, Mark Arywitz and Jonas Middleton

Directed by Jeff Lieberman

Starring George Kennedy, Gregg Henry, Chris Lemmon, Mike Kellin, Ralph Seymour and Deborah Benson

Plot: a group of young people ignore several warnings and go deep into the woods for camp where they encounter inbred killers

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These people start off ignoring the park ranger which is stupid enough , but then they ignore the crazy old man which we all know not to do. Needless to say Tara and I would not be in this situation. There is even a third warning so i did not really feel sorry for these people at all.

The one girl has excellent tree climbing skills lol watch and you will see. This movie boasts one of the coolest kills we have ever seen. I won’t spoil it for you. Plenty of boob shots. good direction and unintentionally funny.

Overall I was bored a little bit, but i loved the ending, part of which is kinda funny, again won’t spoil it for you. We gave this a solid score of 64/100.

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We all know remakes are a contentious subject. But…

If you could have any horror movie remade what would it be and why. For me i would remake Hellraiser 2. Clean up some storyline issues and make that fight scene absolutely epic!!!!

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The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

Written and Directed by Rob Zombie

Starring Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon Zombie, William Forsythe, Ken Foree, Leslie Easterbrook, Priscilla Barnes, EG Daily, Michael Berryman, Dallas Page, Danny Trejo and PJ Soles

Plot: The sadistic Firefly Family take to the road to escape a crazy sheriff and his vengeful police force who aren’t afraid to be as ruthless as their targets.

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This was way more original than house of 1000 corpses. It also boasts an amazing cast of which ive met 11 of, ok so im tooting my own horn here but it was awesome to get to meet 11 cool people from a movie i enjoy.

The movie also features some memorable dialogue and it followed rules it set for itself. I liked the motive as it was basically revenge and survival. Good effects and soundtrack. Good opening and ending. Boob shots a plenty lol. It was also funny in parts.

I know the Firefly family were pretty much evil but in some parts i couldn’t help but root for them.

Overall i really enjoyed it and gave it a 78/100

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House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Written and Directed by Rob Zombie

Starring Sid Haig, BIll Moseley, Karen Black, Chris Hardwick, Rainn Wilson and Sheri Moon Zombie

Plot: two couples traveling across Texas get more than they bargained for when they meet a bizarre and sadistic family.

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A friend of mine called this psychedelic garbage and i can not totally disagree however there were some good things i thought, like the cast was great and the acting too, i got a chance to meet several of them and they were all awesome. The effects were good too, nice makeup jobs. It had decent innovation of murders and plenty of boob shots. Captain Spaulding is easily my favorite part of the movie.

There were some rough things about the movie though like it lacked originality, just a rehashing of Texas Chainsaw really. It felt all over the place in spots.One of the girls is a bitch so i took points off for likability. The overall motive didn’t do it for me either so more points off.

Just kind of a below average horror movie but worth a watch if you dig this sorta thing, i gave it a 47/100.

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Jeruzalem (2015)

Written and Directed by The Paz brothers, Doron and Yoav.

Starring Danielle Jadelyn, Yael Grobglas and Yon Tumarkin.

Plot: 2 Women follow a handsome stranger into Jerusalem and then a biblical apocalypse befalls the city and traps them.

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This movie reminded Tara of Cloverfield in that it is a creature feature, was very tense but you only halfway see things. Tara also found Kevin to be cute and I dug Rachel, so points for eye candy. However neither of us like the main girl Sarah because she was a total whiner.

Finally!!! a movie where they meet a stranger abroad who did not want to kill them. Great creature/zombie motive so points there, and it was original with good acting,boob shots and good effects but we wish we had seen the creatures more but we understand that some people might like the coy aspect. Also had low Freddy Claws. We also would have liked more back story.

Tara liked the beginning but did not like part of the end but no spoilers here, i liked the ending. Overall we enjoyed the movie, Tara gave it a 60/100 and I highly recommend it with a 70/100.

“There are three gates to hell, one in the desert, one in the ocean and one in Jerusalem!”

 

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The Faculty (1998)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez.  Written by Kevin Williamson, David Wechter and Bruce Kimmel.  Starring Jordana Brewster, Clea Duvall, Josh Hartnett, Shawn Hatosy, Elijah Wood, Famke Janssen, Piper Laurie, Robert Patrick, Jon Stewart and Usher.

Plot: the faculty at a high school are turning into aliens and they have the students on the run

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Almost 20 years ago now, (someone hit me with something hard) there was this angst fueled horror gem.  I was 16 at the time and identified with Stokely (DuVall) the most, although I never loved the jock.  My sights would have been set on Zeke, drug dealer, rebel, all around James Dean attitude complete with wanting to ride too fast in a cherry car.

The movie starts with him and I suppose ends that way, too.  He is the “leader” of the bunch trying to survive without becoming aliens themselves.  Although his crush on a certain teacher (Janssen) almost gets him dead, he’s the one who figures out how to kill the aliens.  After that, it’s just a matter of figuring out the bad guys from the good guys.

We really like this movie.  There are some things that could be better.  Because of it’s wide release and rating, there’s no boobs.  Also, no Freddy Claws and no one likable in the first 30 minutes or so.  Even Stokely’s a bit harsh for no reason.  I also have a problem with the mouse death (may he RIP) and the use of a Creed song.  Because any Creed song, at any time, is bad news.

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The acting is good though.  The cast is great.  It followed rules and it’s fun to watch.  And DJ, with his happy ending, loving self, adores the sweet changes in the students lives by the end of the movie.  It’s enough to make a normal person want to throw up.

Give it a go people, if you haven’t already.  We give it a 65/100.

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Clown (2014)

Written by Jon Watts and Christopher D. Ford.

Directed by Jon Watts

Starring Eli Roth (who also produced)

Plot: a man puts on an old clown suit to entertain his son only to find that he can’t get it off because it is really demon skin.

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First off, the picture lies, I would never call Eli Roth a master of anything, let alone terror.

This movie is what happens when you don’t teach your 7 year old to fear clowns like they are supposed to. The soundtrack is crazy, who knew there were so many songs about clowns, songs that probably should not have been written, clowns are not your friends.

Tara jumped, she admits that however she wishes the clown had been scarier, she thought he was too monster like and not clown enough. I liked the make up job but not the rules, for instance the demon aspect, why wouldn’t religious defenses and offense have worked again this basically demon cloud, in the movie you are only given two ways of “beating” the clown.Another bad rule was that there was no warning about the costume so once you put it on you are screwed, so zero fairness points from me. I also did not like the story much, I thought it was more drama than horror and it felt soapy to me.

Tara found herself very indifferent to the movie, she was certainly unimpressed with it but she did not hate it. She would not recommend it freely, there are unnecessary deaths , yes we know it is horror but some death is just over the line if even necessary. Lots of blood and vomit so if that’s your bag, you will be happy. But it lacked actual horror until the end and there was bad story telling, the movie was no fun.

It was highly original, the whole Cloyne myth was movie specific as far as we can tell. However it lacked any cool innovation in the way of kills. We could not give it any realism points because of the legal repercussions that would have taken place at the end of the movie.

There were a couple loose ends or unnecessary plot points that never get resolved. Overall Tara felt like she wasted her time and she does not often feel that way, I just plain did not enjoy myself or get lost in the movie like i like to.

Ok this review has been long enough , now here are our scores, Tara gave a 28/100 and I gave it a 24/100, if you are a big Eli Roth fan i am sure you will disagree and like this movie but we can not recommend it at all, so don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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Mama (2013)

Directed by Andres’ Muschietti.  Written by Muschietti, Neil Cross and Barbara Muschietti. Starring Jessica Chastain and Megan Charpentier.

Plot: Annabel and Lucas get custody of his nieces when they’re found leaving in the woods alone in the woods for five years

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Lucas’s nieces, Victoria and Lilly, don’t come to his home alone though, do they?  No.  It wouldn’t be a horror movie if they did.

I have to say first thing that I believe this will be a horror movie you either love or you hate.  I haven’t been able to find anyone who just shrugs at the thought of it.  I was fortunate enough to see it while it was in theaters and I screamed out loud on several occasions.  People laughed.  I didn’t care.   I really liked this movie, even if the end is kind of sucky.

However, I went with my brother and my best friend and they both hated it.  The end ruined the whole thing for my brother.  And my friend was on repeat, saying “I can’t believe she did that.  I can’t believe she did that.”

But Jessica and the girls are soooo good in their roles.  And the movie is so scary.  I had to take away some points for things (no rules, crappy ending, etc.), but I still gave it a 71/100 and I say it should definitely be watched this Halloween.  DJ only gives it a 35 though.  But I say watch it and see who’s side you’re on.  You can let us know in the comments.

 

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Wrong Turn (2003)

Directed by Rob Schmidt.  Written by Alan B. McElroy.  Starring Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Kevin Zegers and Lindy Booth.

Plot: 6 people are hunted by inbred cannibals in the backwoods of West Virginia

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The original Wrong Turn deserves a place in your Halloween marathon this year.  None of the sequels are worth shit, but the original was excellent.

6 young people go into the forest and not all of them come out.  We’ve seen it before, but this one is classic.  2 people, Zegers and Booth, drop off pretty quickly, but if you want to see them “happily-ever-after” watch the remake of Dawn of the Dead.  Same peeps and in my opinion, cuter in that one.

Anyway, down to 4, you have the handy stranger, Harrington, who is particularly cute while whipping out his skills and hard work and self-sacrifice. There’s the final girl, Dushku, who knows when to move and how to be quiet and cuddles up right to the stranger when it’s necessary even though she just met him 5 minutes ago.  There’s Sisto, who is honestly the smartest of the bunch since he never wanted to go into the inbred-from-the-outside house.  And there’s his girlfriend, Chriqui, who listens well enough, but won’t stop whining.

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It’s a good formula and a perfect little cast of very pretty people.  It’s not so much scary as it is tense, but the kills are nice.  One negative though – the killers are virtually unstoppable.  I hate that and DJ downright loathes it.    It’s good for what it is though.  A disgusting movie with a horrible motive that’s fun to watch.

I give it a 72/100.  DJ only a 54.

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House of Fears (2007)

Directed by Ryan Little.  Written by Steven A. Lee and John Lyde.  Starring Corri English, John Lyde, Alicee Greezyn, Sandra McCoy, Michael J. Pagan and Corey Sevier.

Plot: a group of friends sneak into a haunted house the night before it opens and soon find themselves trapped

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This is an excellent movie for this time of year.  It’s about playing off your fears and we’re all afraid of something, aren’t we?

In this movie, good girl Sam and her step-sister, Hailey, go into a haunted house with Hailey’s boyfriend and super jock, Carter; the comic relief who dies way too early, Zane; the token black, Devon; and the slutty one, Candice.  They are all very stereotypical in their design.  The token black is almost offensive.  But side stepping political correctness, you’ll have a pretty good time watching.

It’s funny.  The actors can actually act.  The rules are good.  The fear statue provided a great motive that worked throughout the film.  It’s rewatchable, with quality innovation, exciting effects and a very special cameo from Jared Padalecki.  Of course, there’s no real time for a boob shot, but we won’t fault them.  This time.

We liked it so much we gave it a 73/100.  Definitely an enjoyable Halloween movie.

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