Friday the 13th (2009)

Directed by Marcus Nispel.  Written by Damian Shannon, Mark Swift and Mark Wheaton.  Starring Jared Padalecki, Derek Mears, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis van Winkle, America Olivio, Arlen Escarpeta, Ryan Hansen, Aaron Yoo and Ben Feldman.

Plot: Two different groups of kids encounter Jason in this brutal remake.

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This isn’t your typical Jason, he is faster, more brutal and just as inventive. The movie is gritty and dark which Tara did not like for a Jason movie. Though it did have funny parts. We have met some of the people in this movie so it makes it closer to our hearts than even my score lets on.  But in the movie we really only like Jared Padalecki. Tara did not understand why Danielle was even at the party. We love the homage they pay to the other movies.

We kind of watched two different movies, with Tara giving it a 56/100 and me giving it a 94/100 because i love most things Jason….except 9….ew 9 lol

Keep going if you want spoilers….

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::::::::::::::::::::::Spoilers:::::::::::::::::::

 

Jason runs now and Tara didn’t like that, he also kidnaps people now which my sister was also not pleased with but i don’t mind either much and the trade up was a smarter more calculated and brutal ( i know that is the third time i used the word but it really is the best word for him in this movie) Jason and movie with more grit than any of the previous installments.

I loved the kills in this one. One of thee most realistic uses of a bear trap i have seen. Flying ax to the back was awesome and so was sleeping bag roasted girl.

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Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Directed by Ronny Yu.  Written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift.  Starring Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Kelly Rowland, Katharine Isabelle, Jason Ritter and Christopher Marquette.

Plot: Freddy has been forgotten, so he wakes Jason up to help him scare the kids because if they’re scared they will remember and Freddy can kill again

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This is the classic we were all hoping it would be.  The beginning is so 80’s horror, it’s great.  There’s a little bit of convoluted B.S. involving Lori’s (Keena) father and Westin Hills, but besides that the movie is fantastic.

There’s a lot of good homages to other Freddy and Jason movies.  It’s funny.  There’s plenty of boob shots.  There’s a great cast full of knowns (especially in the horror world).  And me and DJ watch this one over and over again.  It’s ridiculously rewatchable.

Our score: 92.

“Welcome to my world, Bitch!”

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Split (2016)

Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan.  Starring James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Jessica Sula and Betty Buckley.

Plot: 3 girls are kidnapped by a man with multiple personalities

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I don’t know how many times I’ve said this, but DJ doesn’t usually do psychological horror.  And he didn’t do this one either.  I watched it alone and luckily it wasn’t at all scary.

This is not a movie I wish to give away the story to.  It’s very raw and very complex.  It draws you in and keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time.  But I still don’t understand the big whoop about the ending.  It wasn’t anything shocking to me.  As a matter of fact I saw the ending coming from the beginning.  Or at least part 1 of the ending.  There’s kind of 2 parts to it.  And the second part sucks ass.  Without telling you exactly what happens, I will say that it left me feeling hopeless and depressed.

But James McAvoy is fantastic.  The way he switches from personality to personality is insane.  It’s even funny at times, which is strange considering what the movie is about.  But you just try not to laugh when the personality of Hedwig (a child who dances to Kanye West) comes out.

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The girls also acted well and were likable characters.  I really did hope they survived.  It was a very original story, with a stick with you opening.  I just really wish the ending had stuck with me in a more positive way.

Definitely see it.  If for James McAvoy alone.  My score: 60.

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Day of the Dead: Bloodline (2018)

Directed by Hector Hernandez Vicens.  Written by Mark Tonderai and Lars Jacobson.  Starring Sophie Skelton, Marcus Vanco and Johnathon Schaech.

Plot: this is supposed to be more like the original, and it is, but no

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This movie is all over the place.  This is more of a reimagining than a straight remake, but the differences were just so difficult to swallow.  What made the original movie fun was gone.  Bub, for instance, is now called Max and he is nothing of what Bub was.

For one thing, Max is rapey, even after becoming a zombie.  Yup.  And Bub never was.  But Max won’t hurt her in other ways.  Like, he won’t bite her.  Which doesn’t make sense at all.  Then, after he’s a zombie completely, he starts tracking Zoe like a damned bloodhound.  He rolls under a frickin’ truck and holds on, smelling her all the way to her location.  No human/zombie noses should be able to do that.

And how did she know that Max wouldn’t hurt her anyway?  He was rapey in real life, so how, after one frickin’ minute, did she know that he wouldn’t hurt her when zombie?

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The whole movie is too over-the-top.  Her weak ass narration is horrible.  The writing is horrible (why does the little girl run towards the zombies when freaking out?).  The specials weren’t too bad, just unreasonably gory.  They simply changed what didn’t need changing.

As for an actual fear factor, Max was creepy to me (as pictured above), but none of the other zombies were.

My score: 21.  DJ’s score: 12.

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Day of the Dead (2008)

Directed by Steve Miner.  Written by Jeffrey Reddick.  Starring Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, Ving Rhames, Michael Welch and Annalyne McCord.

Plot: zombies start eating people in a small Colorado town

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This movie is not a remake.  I repeat, this movie is NOT a remake.  It’s a totally different mess that just happens to be titled the same.  There are some nods to the original, but it’s all so annoyingly done.

The effects are so bad.  Why are they so bad?  Why are the zombies so fast?  And why are they like ninja Spidermen?  Surprisingly, the acting was the best thing about the movie.  Just not sure why they all agreed to do this.

Coming from the director of Friday the 13th parts 2 and 3 and the creator of Final Destination, we were expecting better.

Our score: 28.

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Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Directed by Zack Snyder.  Written by James Gunn.  Starring Sarah Polley, Jake Weber, Ving Rhames, Mekhi Phifer, Ty Burrell, Kevin Zegers, Lindy Booth and Matt Frewer.

Plot: during the zombie apocalypse, a group of survivors hole up in a mall to wait for help

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This remake of the 1978 classic is almost nothing like the original.  The survivors do end up in a mall, but that’s pretty much where the similarities stop.  In this movie, we have a  lot more characters to deal with and a lot more drama.  To DJ, that’s not a good thing.  I should say right off the bat that I love this movie way more than my brother does.

DJ hates most of the people in the mall, including the technical “final girl” played by Sarah Polley.  I think he’s wrong for the most part.  She’s just really scared and that kind of shit can make you a bitch sometimes.  As for the others, many have redeeming moments or some sort of character development which is nice.

It’s a wonderfully entertaining movie though.  It’s frightening in parts and funny in others.  There’s an opening that no one should be able to forget, which is important.  There’s a terrific soundtrack, an excellent cast, awesome dialogue and great effects.  It’s just sad the ending sucks.

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******SPOILER ALERT******

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In the end, everyone dies or so it seems.  The dog lives, but DJ had to point out that with no one to feed him, he probably starved to death after the credits were done rolling.  But at least I didn’t have to watch it happen.  The worst part about the ending too, is that if you’re trying to watch this on cable (please don’t!), you won’t even see the end end.  They cut it off usually.  There’s no island.  There’s no more zombies.  There’s just an open end.  Both things suck, but for the sake of good horror, watch this on a medium that completes the story.

I love the movie.  DJ just accepts it as average horror fare.

My score: 94.  DJ’s score: 56.

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Night of the Living Dead (1990)

Directed by Tom Savini.  Screenplay written by George A. Romero, based on his earlier screenplay with John Russo.  Starring Tony Todd, Patricia Tallman, Tom Towles, McKee Anderson, William Butler, Katie Finneran, Bill Moseley and Heather Mazur.

Plot: the living dead attack a farmhouse full of people

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This remake is mostly like the original except that Barbara is way less annoying and, if it’s possible, Cooper is more of an asshole.  I love Barbara in this one.  Her scream is the best.  It’s really a good bit of acting I look forward to every time I see it.

This movie has a nice cast, it followed rules, had an impressively updated script and was very realistic.  And although I didn’t love the zombie makeup in this one, DJ did, and Johnnie’s fake rubber body hitting grave stone was hilarious, even if unintentionally.

The end of this movie was good, too.  Spoilers ahead….

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Although Ben dies in this one, it’s still better than the original ending.  Barbara lives in this one and the world spins on.  There’s some redneck idiots throwing rocks at bodies, but at least Romero and Russo can imagine an apocalypse without rapey men.  And that I appreciate very much.

We both scored this movie pretty high, but DJ gave it a few less points because of the little girl taking hours to turn while her mother only took minutes.

My score: 80.  DJ’s score: 73.

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Survival of the Dead (2010)

Written and directed by George A. Romero.  Starring Shawn Roberts, Joshua Close, Alan van Sprang, Kenneth Walsh, Kathleen Munroe and Devon Bostick.

Plot: a whole lot of stupid people want to run an island their own way, but it ain’t gonna happen… cause zombies

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Ok so this is not Romero’s best work. We didn’t like the story and this got zero Freddy Claws because no one cooperated with anyone.  Overall we were disappointed in what had been, beside the last two movies, an excellent series.

It wasn’t all bad though as it had a good cast and nice innovation.  But that was pretty much it for good stuff.

Semi spoiler alert ahead……

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They devise a plan in which they want to feed animals to the dead but if they do what do humans eat, shut it vegans i’m not into your “lifestyle” lol.

I wish they had not killed a horse in the movie , it was mostly pointless and beside that how did three dead take down a horse? Do you know how strong they are?! And why didn’t the horse change? Animals get many diseases that we do so why not the zombie?

We both did not like it with a score of 35/100

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Diary of the Dead (2007)

Written and directed by George A. Romero.  Starring Shawn Roberts, Megan Park, Joshua Close, Michelle Morgan, Alan Van Sprang and Joe Dinicol.

Plot: a group of people take video diary of the zombie apocalypse

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So, this is where the Dead movies start to get bad.  We’re not sure why, but they do.  It’s bad soap opera horror all of the sudden with unrealistic characters making unrealistic life choices.  I love Romero, but no!

Like the others, it has a message.  This one being about the perks and the pitfalls of media.  It’s just too heavy handed and it’s taken to a very dramatic place.  No, we as human beings may not be worth saving, but unfortunately, neither is this movie.

Our score: 33.

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Land of the Dead (2005)

Written and directed by George A. Romero.  Starring Simon Baker, Asia Argento, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Robert Joy and Eugene Clark.

Plot: the dead are really beginning to learn now and that’s not good for anyone, but especially not Dennis Hopper and his rich bitch tower city

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In this dead movie, Dennis Hopper and the other “wealthy” people believe they’ve got it made.  They live in a tower that has restaurants and shopping and everything they could ever need.  Outside that tower city however, people are starving to death, getting easily curable diseases, etc. and the tower ignores it.  It’s not happening to them after all.  Still, there are zombies to worry about, but the tower city has that covered, too, doesn’t it?  It’s fortified and there are soldiers on the outskirts.  But what happens when the dead get tired of being, well, “dead”?

This movie is smart, stylish and politically charged.  The cool people live.  The bastards die.  All goes right for once.  And there’s symbolism to boot.  Also, there’s some great kills, some great cameos (Simon Pegg, Tom Savini, etc.) and there’s “Big Daddy”, the zombie who leads the mutiny.  The zombie you actually start to feel for.

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Plus, and this cannot be said enough, all the zombies coming out of the river together is arguably one of the most iconic zombie scenes ever.

We love this movie!

My score: 96.  DJ’s score: 89.

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