247 Degrees Fahrenheit (2011)

Directed by Levan Bakhia and Beqa Oniani and written by Lloyd S. Wagner.  Starring Scout Taylor-Compton, Travis Van Winkle and Tyler Mane.

Plot: Four friends travel to a remote (of course) lakeside cabin with a really strange outdoor sauna room that three of them are later trapped in.

247 degrees fahrenheit scene by oceans movie reviews

“Based on True Events” always scares me and DJ.  After disliking the first ten million “true events”, we’re a little gun shy when we see that pop onto the screen.  Still, we go in hoping.  Because that’s what horror movie lovers do.  We hope.  We hope we’ll be scared.  We hope for cool death scenes.  We hope that the actors can pull off realistic reactions to dead bodies.  In this film, our hopes were dashed.  

DJ has a really hard time even considering this a horror movie.  It’s hard to even call it a thriller.  None of the “tension” is actually all that tense.  It’s annoying more than anything.  And to be honest, we felt bad for Travis having to be stuck in that sauna with those girls.  We understand that you’re trapped and it’s hot, but Travis was trapped and hot, too, and he is the only one that kept his shit.  (For the first hour at least.)  For a whole hour of the movie all you get is Travis being yelled at by two crying/screaming girls who expect him to solve the crisis situation all by his lonesome.  

I wish I could give it all away, but I don’t like spoilers, so let me just say that after watching them scream and cry for an hour someone finally does die and at the very end you get to watch someone fake cry in the worst possible way.  And let me tell you, we were pissed off having wasted our time watching any of it.  

Also, there were no boob shots.  A whole movie about girls trapped in a sauna and you never see anything.  And there’s no “Freddy Claws”.  It’s almost like they stick their fingers in their ears and shout “LALALA” because they don’t listen to each other AT ALL.  

It was well made though and Travis was a dear.  So, we gave it a 32/100.

Yes, we actually completely agreed on the score.  Shocker!  


About TaraRomero

I suppose I could list my favorite movies here, but instead I'll give you a strange glimpse into what makes me TaraRomero. 1. When I'm alone I like to sing really loudly to songs I know really well and pretend I'm actually good at it. 2. I am a bonified Hiddlestoner. 3. I have kept a journal for the last 25 years and I still own every one of them. 4. I like ordering travel magazines and picking out trips I'm going to take when I'm rich. 5. I'm currently worrying about my brother. I always worry about my brother. He's younger and it's my job. 6. If I knew I was dying in one hour, I would type a very strange email and then go spend time with my family (including my fur babies). 7. The best non-horror movie I've seen recently is The Giant Mechanical Man. 8. I am obsessed with Bob's Burgers and I watch one episode every night before I go to bed. 9. If I had a son I'd name him Malachai (as in Christian Mythology). If I had a daughter I'd name her Antigone (as in Greek Mythology). 10. My favorite band is and I supposed always will be, Matchbox Twenty. However, the music has become more upbeat lately and I don't like it as much. Just being honest.
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