247 Degrees Fahrenheit (2011)

Directed by Levan Bakhia and Beqa Oniani and written by Lloyd S. Wagner.  Starring Scout Taylor-Compton, Travis Van Winkle and Tyler Mane.

Plot: Four friends travel to a remote (of course) lakeside cabin with a really strange outdoor sauna room that three of them are later trapped in.

247 degrees fahrenheit scene by oceans movie reviews

“Based on True Events” always scares me and DJ.  After disliking the first ten million “true events”, we’re a little gun shy when we see that pop onto the screen.  Still, we go in hoping.  Because that’s what horror movie lovers do.  We hope.  We hope we’ll be scared.  We hope for cool death scenes.  We hope that the actors can pull off realistic reactions to dead bodies.  In this film, our hopes were dashed.  

DJ has a really hard time even considering this a horror movie.  It’s hard to even call it a thriller.  None of the “tension” is actually all that tense.  It’s annoying more than anything.  And to be honest, we felt bad for Travis having to be stuck in that sauna with those girls.  We understand that you’re trapped and it’s hot, but Travis was trapped and hot, too, and he is the only one that kept his shit.  (For the first hour at least.)  For a whole hour of the movie all you get is Travis being yelled at by two crying/screaming girls who expect him to solve the crisis situation all by his lonesome.  

I wish I could give it all away, but I don’t like spoilers, so let me just say that after watching them scream and cry for an hour someone finally does die and at the very end you get to watch someone fake cry in the worst possible way.  And let me tell you, we were pissed off having wasted our time watching any of it.  

Also, there were no boob shots.  A whole movie about girls trapped in a sauna and you never see anything.  And there’s no “Freddy Claws”.  It’s almost like they stick their fingers in their ears and shout “LALALA” because they don’t listen to each other AT ALL.  

It was well made though and Travis was a dear.  So, we gave it a 32/100.

Yes, we actually completely agreed on the score.  Shocker!  

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About TaraRomero

I love 28 Days Later and insist that they are zombies. Infected zombies, but zombies. It's not like they're coming back, are they? No. I also have a strange obsession with Brainscan because I have a stranger obsession with Edward Furlong (mostly pre-drugged up Edward - bless his heart, I've met him and he's lovely and I'll love him till I die). Besides horror I'm addicted to writing about everything I see and think and feel. Also, I read a lot and watch too many game shows. Currently reading Poe and watching Idiotest.
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