Los Inocentes (AKA Bloody April Fool’s) (2013)

Written and directed by Carlos Alonso-Ojea, Didac Cervera, Marta Diaz de Lope Diaz, Laura Garcia, Eugeni Guillem, Ander Iriarte, Marc Martinez, Ruben Montero, Arnau Pons, Marc Pujolar and Miguel Sanchez. Additional writers are Albert Camps, Celia Lopez, Gerard Marti, Adria Naranjo, Daniel Padro and Lluis Segura.

Starring Diana Gomez, Charlotte Vega, Enric Auquer, Alex Batllori, Mario Marzo, Paula Malia and Alex Mele.

Plot: on April Fool’s Day, a group of friends end up at an abandoned hotel after getting lost – they party and start getting picked off

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This film was made during senior year at ESCAC (Barcelona’s film school).  Hence the oh-so-many names involved.  You’d think having that may hands in the pot might weigh a movie down.  Mess it all up.  But it doesn’t.

It’s a good revenge tell in the vein of Friday the 13th.  There’s a devastating opening that leaves you wanting someone dead.  And then, those someone’s start to die.  Satisfaction!

There’s A LOT of boob shots.  Delightful innovation.  Good acting.  Realistic.  Pleasurable story.  Stomach-churning effects.  The people weren’t very likable, but that was the point.

We were only really disappointed by the ending and the fact that everyone dies too soon. We are left with only 2 people quite early into the film and some of it ends up being a little boring after that.  So, we’d definitely say that the first half is better than the last half, but we still highly recommend it.

We give it a 71/100.

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Backtrack (2015)

Written and directed by Michael Petroni.  Starring Adrien Brody, Jenni Baird and Sam Neill.

Plot: when psychologist Peter (Brody) begins seeing dead people, he returns to his home town to uncover a horrifying truth about his past

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Peter is seeing ghosts.  Not just any ghosts though – all these ghosts seem to have died in 1987.  What’s the connection?  Apparently Peter’s own past.  And he thinks going home is the answer.  So, home he goes and there he uncovers a truth so disturbing it rocks him to his very core.

Well, I had to coax my brother into watching this one.  He doesn’t do Adrien Brody most of the time.  Just something about him DJ hates.  But he liked him in this.  He even started to forget he didn’t like him and just enjoy the film.  That’s how good it is.  On top of that, the mood of the film suggests an ending you’re going to hate, but surprise! – not hateful.

The movie could have been scarier although one scene in particular is quite the jump-scare.  Peter’s quite likable.  A little depressed, but likable.  Also, aside from the satisfying ending, the effects were good and the story was enjoyable.

All together, me and DJ both gave it the high score of 76/100.  Watch it.  It’s almost Halloween after all and good horror is hard to find.

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Kristy (2014)

Written By Anthony Jaswinski. Directed by Olly Blackburn.

Starring: Haley Bennett, Ashley Greene, Lucas Till, Mathew St. Patrick and Chris Coy

Plot: Justine (Bennett) is the lone straggler during Thanksgiving break in her dorm when a group of “thugs” terrorize her and she has to fight back.

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The last half of the movie is better than the first half, so try to stick it out. I think you will find that it is worth the wait, because while she may be stupid in the beginning and not pick up any weapons until after people die she does get inventive when weapons are not available.

We thought the movie had a horrible motive. Light on special effects but the ones they had were good. We disagreed on originality, realism, story, ending and whether or not it was fun to watch, i liked all those things about this movie, Tara on the other hand did not.

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::::::SPOILER ALERT::::::

 

This movie is not without it’s cliches, as a dog dies and the black guy is the first to go. but over all i found the movie to be entertaining and worth watching except maybe the post credits scene which may have been tacky.

Tara liked it ok with a score of 51/100 and i really enjoyed this take on “revenge and self defense” with a score of 76/100

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I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Directed by Sylvain White.  Written by Michael D. Weiss.  Starring Brooke Nevin, Torrey DeVitto and Don Shanks.

Plot: a group of friends accidentally kill one of their own during the July 4th holiday and they lie about it only to have someone who knows about it start killing them a year later

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Why did they keep the prank a secret?  He caused his own death really.  I don’t get it.  Why did they make this piece of trash movie?  It’s highly predictable until the bullshit supernatural ending.  I don’t get it.

I suppose we weren’t supposed to laugh at this movie, but we did.  The whole way through. Why is the fisherman even coming after them?  We didn’t know.  Apparently teenagers aren’t allowed to have secrets.  Apparently, even if it has nothing to do with him, a dead fisherman will come back and start killing you and your friends if you lie.  Whatever!

We didn’t honestly give a shit about anyone, especially the “bad girl” that weighed about 60 lbs. soaking wet.  Even Brooke Nevin, who we loved in Infestation, couldn’t peek our interest in this.  We were just left wondering why so many people we’ve seen make so many better choices, made the choice to make this movie.

Horrible.  Horrible.  More horrible by the second.  We gave it a 17/100.

“The secret dies with you!”

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I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

Directed by Danny Cannon.  Written by Trey Callaway.  Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddy Prinze Jr., Muse Watson, Brandy, Mekhi Phifer, Jack Black, Jeffrey Combs and Jennifer Esposito.

Plot: same as the first pretty much – someone still knows what these kids did and they’re still coming after them.

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Jennifer needs a vaca after the first movie.  She also apparently needs time away from Freddie, which isn’t even the dumbest move she makes in this movie.  But her boobage is back.  So is her tank top and her spinning and screaming.  It’s a funny movie, again though, not always intentional.  It was entertaining though.  We found it better than the first one.  And DJ has more eye candy to look at, so that shot if up some points for him.

Bad news though, people fought unintelligent.  And what possesses girls in horror movies to get showers alone.

“OMG.  People are dying.  It’s so stressful.  You know what I need to do, get a shower by myself in that big creepy bathroom.”

I figured out the big reveal well before it happened, but this movie was still creepier than the original even though the motive was a bit far fetched.  And sadly there is no Freddy Claws.  Everyone just kept yelling at her.  It’s not like she hasn’t been attacked before. Maybe you should assume she knows what she’s talking about so that you make it through the movie.

I increased my score to 43.  DJ upped his all the way to 51/100.  Wow.

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I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

Directed by Jim Gillespie.  Screenplay by Kevin Williamson, based on a novel by Lois Duncan.  Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Johnny Galecki, Anne Heche, Muse Watson and Bridgitte Wilson.

Plot: 4 teens hit a fisherman with their car and instead of calling the cops to explain, they dispose of the body in the ocean and one year later, someone who knows what they did comes after them

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If you can’t tell by the plot, the story is weak.  The movie is weak.  People scream at stupid times.  It’s corny and the dialogue sucks.  And as much as we hate the 4 teenagers who hit him, we can’t root for the fisherman either.  Sure, Sarah and Freddie are dumb as nails, Jennifer thinks she’s better than everyone else and Ryan is a piece of shit, but the fisherman, who is a sympathetic killer in the very beginning, is soon killing people he doesn’t have to.

It’s unrealistic.  There’s no boob shots.  But there are things that make it not a complete waste of time.  For instance, the cast is pretty enough to move it forward without using all their chops.  There was a scare or two in there.  And we did laugh, even if we weren’t meant to.  It’s an entertaining movie.

One should sit down and watch the series sometimes if only to laugh.

I gave it a 39/100.  DJ gave it a 31.  We didn’t really like it, but hey, it’s a classic.

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Pet Sematary (1989)

Directed by Mary Lambert.  Written by Stephen King.  Starring Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Miko Hughes, Blaze Berdahl and Denise Crosby.

Plot: animals (and people) come back from the dead when buried in the pet cemetery

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you should have watched this already.  Sure it’s full of people making poor decisions, but it’s also one of the greatest horror movies of all time.  Here’s  reasons why:

  1. If you’ve ever read the book, which is one of the scariest books of all time (our mother can’t finish it), the movie is a very nice adaptation.  Sure, there’s no Norma and we do miss her, but she can be lived without.
  2. Highly original idea.  People don’t write about graveyards bringing people back from the dead.
  3. Great casting choices.  Now, I do have a problem with Denise Crosby.  I mean, as a person I’m sure she’s cool, but I’ve never seen her as Rachel.  Everyone else is spectacular though.  Fred Gwynne is perfection.  And Miko, he gets his own number.
  4. Miko Hughes.  Cute, even dead.
  5. Memorable death scenes.  Every single time I see Jud go down I am pained.  Hell, I’m pained right now just thinking about it.

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    The ground beyond is sour.

  6. Zelda.  One of the most terrifying characters of all time.  She gives DJ nightmares just thinking about her.  To be honest, she’s the reason even I won’t watch this movie alone.
  7. Ellie.  The most sensible 8-year-old in all of moviedom.  She has sensible thoughts and says sensible things.  It’s refreshing in a movie filled with fools.
  8. The following of simple rules.  We know many movies gets this concept wrong, but King is on top of his game.  You put a body in the cemetery and it comes back, WRONG, and game over.  That’s it.  Those are the rules.  No ifs, ands or buts about it.
  9. The cool ending credits song.  Because if you’re going to end a movie this good, you gotta do it in style.
  10. A terrifying story.  A story filled with so much love and so much agony that it’d be beautiful even if it weren’t so damn frightening.
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    Now I want to play with you.

    DJ and I love this movie.  Aside from the unlikable characters and the lack of intelligence, it’s an A+.  Together, we give it an 88/100 and tell you to watch it.  Now.

Sometimes, dead is better.

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Specters (AKA Reel Evil) (2012)

Directed by Danny Draven.  Written by Draven and Shane Bitterling.  Starring Jeff Adler, Kaiwi Lyman-Mersereau and Jessica Morris.

Plot: struggling filmmakers decide to shoot a BTS documentary for extra cash and their lives turn into a nightmare as they explore the haunted location

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James, Corey and Kennedy, real filmmakers, are struggling.  They take a job doing behind the scenes footage for a terrible movie complete with egotistical director, diva actress and greedy producer.  The beginning of the movie is actually horrible, but if you press on it gets better.

Kennedy’s the one that gets them all killed.  She keeps wanting to explore everything.  The boys are like “No Kennedy, let’s not”, but she does anyway and they follow her because she’s a wimpy girl and can’t be left alone.  Their thoughts of course, not mine.

Nothing Kennedy says is reasonable.  The movie is really slow to start.  There’s not too many actual on-screen deaths.  But there’s plenty of boob shots.  One big steady shot coming from an actual porn star.  Yeah.  Points.

We would have really liked more story about the doctor of the asylum and his patients.  It’s a little weaker than the hospital movies we usually love, but it’s still a fun watch.

I gave it a 46/100 and DJ gave it a 53.

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The Invitation (2015)

Directed by Karyn Kusama.  Written by Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi.  Starring Logan Marshall-Green.

Plot: an ex-husband (Green) is invited to his ex-wife’s for dinner, but she and her new husband may have sinister intentions

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First of all, I wanted to like this movie.  I love Logan Marshall-Green.  I think he’s very talented and I don’t think he’s in enough stuff.  So, just know that I was going in with a clear and open mind, if not a little persuaded to actually like it.

Second of all, DJ didn’t watch it with me.  He knows he doesn’t like films like this, but again, LMG persuaded me otherwise.

Third of all, they killed a dog – excuse me, a coyote – in the first 2 minutes of the film.  I knew that was not a good omen for the rest of the movie, but LMG got me to push on and it is very unfortunate that I did.

I hate this movie.  I mean, I really hate it.  The end was the best part.  And not because it was a twist worth talking about.

****************SPOILERS AHEAD*****************

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In the movie, poor LMG gets an invitation from his weird ass ex-wife to dinner.  See, his ex-wife and her new hubby have been “missing” for a while and they want to tell all their “friends” where they’ve been.  Well, as it turns out, they’ve joined a cult.  And this isn’t even really the spoiler.  You understand this bit of news pretty early on.

This cult nonsense is enough to get any rational human being out the door, but in the movie, only LMG wants to go.  Even his new flame talks him out of it though.  Poor LMG.

Now for the spoilers, this cult wants everyone outside the cult DEAD!  Yup.  And they have to do this at dinner.  People are supposed to be poisoned, but that goes to shit when LMG goes off, so it ends up being a fight to the death.  A fight that LMG and new flame win, but OH…………..

I forgot to mention that LMG’s ex-wife and hubby have lit a red candle outside during the process of the night.  While watching it, I had a creepy-eepy feeling that this was to let whomever know they were starting the dinner death scene, but oh, there was more to it than that.  See, when LMG and flame walk out of the death house alive, they look around the city and see nothing but red lights.  Red lights are lit up everywhere.  Now, LMG and flame are going to – in the words of The Warriors – have to bop their way back to some hopefully safe place that exists somewhere.  But at the end, we’re not sure there is such a place anymore.

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Points for the cast.  Aside from LMG everyone does their job and more.  I believed every silly word of it.  I’ll give it ending, too.  And points for atmosphere cause the movie is tense as hell.  But everything else – likable characters, motive, realism, Freddy Claws, story, etc. – it fails for.

If you want to do it, I can’t stop you, but don’t.  I give it a 15/100.

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Boo (2005)

Written and Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante.

Starring Trish Coren, Jilon Ghai, Happy Mahaney and Dee Wallace.

Plot: a group of people get trapped in a haunted hospital.

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This movie wasn’t very well written or acted all the time. But it did have good effects and was funny in parts. One of the guys, Kevin is a fucking dick.

Tara was so bored that she fell asleep and a dog dies in this so you know thats points off for her so she just piggy backed off of my score.

There could have been boobs but weren’t. The whole movie takes place on Halloween night. The setting is a famous white hospital that has been used in many horror movies.

Overall this was un entertaining and repetitive. It lacked originality and any real concern for the protagonists. We didn’t hate it but we gave it a low score of 25/100.

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