The Faculty (1998)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez.  Written by Kevin Williamson, David Wechter and Bruce Kimmel.  Starring Jordana Brewster, Clea Duvall, Josh Hartnett, Shawn Hatosy, Elijah Wood, Famke Janssen, Piper Laurie, Robert Patrick, Jon Stewart and Usher.

Plot: the faculty at a high school are turning into aliens and they have the students on the run

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Almost 20 years ago now, (someone hit me with something hard) there was this angst fueled horror gem.  I was 16 at the time and identified with Stokely (DuVall) the most, although I never loved the jock.  My sights would have been set on Zeke, drug dealer, rebel, all around James Dean attitude complete with wanting to ride too fast in a cherry car.

The movie starts with him and I suppose ends that way, too.  He is the “leader” of the bunch trying to survive without becoming aliens themselves.  Although his crush on a certain teacher (Janssen) almost gets him dead, he’s the one who figures out how to kill the aliens.  After that, it’s just a matter of figuring out the bad guys from the good guys.

We really like this movie.  There are some things that could be better.  Because of it’s wide release and rating, there’s no boobs.  Also, no Freddy Claws and no one likable in the first 30 minutes or so.  Even Stokely’s a bit harsh for no reason.  I also have a problem with the mouse death (may he RIP) and the use of a Creed song.  Because any Creed song, at any time, is bad news.

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The acting is good though.  The cast is great.  It followed rules and it’s fun to watch.  And DJ, with his happy ending, loving self, adores the sweet changes in the students lives by the end of the movie.  It’s enough to make a normal person want to throw up.

Give it a go people, if you haven’t already.  We give it a 65/100.

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Clown (2014)

Written by Jon Watts and Christopher D. Ford.

Directed by Jon Watts

Starring Eli Roth (who also produced)

Plot: a man puts on an old clown suit to entertain his son only to find that he can’t get it off because it is really demon skin.

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First off, the picture lies, I would never call Eli Roth a master of anything, let alone terror.

This movie is what happens when you don’t teach your 7 year old to fear clowns like they are supposed to. The soundtrack is crazy, who knew there were so many songs about clowns, songs that probably should not have been written, clowns are not your friends.

Tara jumped, she admits that however she wishes the clown had been scarier, she thought he was too monster like and not clown enough. I liked the make up job but not the rules, for instance the demon aspect, why wouldn’t religious defenses and offense have worked again this basically demon cloud, in the movie you are only given two ways of “beating” the clown.Another bad rule was that there was no warning about the costume so once you put it on you are screwed, so zero fairness points from me. I also did not like the story much, I thought it was more drama than horror and it felt soapy to me.

Tara found herself very indifferent to the movie, she was certainly unimpressed with it but she did not hate it. She would not recommend it freely, there are unnecessary deaths , yes we know it is horror but some death is just over the line if even necessary. Lots of blood and vomit so if that’s your bag, you will be happy. But it lacked actual horror until the end and there was bad story telling, the movie was no fun.

It was highly original, the whole Cloyne myth was movie specific as far as we can tell. However it lacked any cool innovation in the way of kills. We could not give it any realism points because of the legal repercussions that would have taken place at the end of the movie.

There were a couple loose ends or unnecessary plot points that never get resolved. Overall Tara felt like she wasted her time and she does not often feel that way, I just plain did not enjoy myself or get lost in the movie like i like to.

Ok this review has been long enough , now here are our scores, Tara gave a 28/100 and I gave it a 24/100, if you are a big Eli Roth fan i am sure you will disagree and like this movie but we can not recommend it at all, so don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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Mama (2013)

Directed by Andres’ Muschietti.  Written by Muschietti, Neil Cross and Barbara Muschietti. Starring Jessica Chastain and Megan Charpentier.

Plot: Annabel and Lucas get custody of his nieces when they’re found leaving in the woods alone in the woods for five years

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Lucas’s nieces, Victoria and Lilly, don’t come to his home alone though, do they?  No.  It wouldn’t be a horror movie if they did.

I have to say first thing that I believe this will be a horror movie you either love or you hate.  I haven’t been able to find anyone who just shrugs at the thought of it.  I was fortunate enough to see it while it was in theaters and I screamed out loud on several occasions.  People laughed.  I didn’t care.   I really liked this movie, even if the end is kind of sucky.

However, I went with my brother and my best friend and they both hated it.  The end ruined the whole thing for my brother.  And my friend was on repeat, saying “I can’t believe she did that.  I can’t believe she did that.”

But Jessica and the girls are soooo good in their roles.  And the movie is so scary.  I had to take away some points for things (no rules, crappy ending, etc.), but I still gave it a 71/100 and I say it should definitely be watched this Halloween.  DJ only gives it a 35 though.  But I say watch it and see who’s side you’re on.  You can let us know in the comments.

 

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Wrong Turn (2003)

Directed by Rob Schmidt.  Written by Alan B. McElroy.  Starring Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Kevin Zegers and Lindy Booth.

Plot: 6 people are hunted by inbred cannibals in the backwoods of West Virginia

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The original Wrong Turn deserves a place in your Halloween marathon this year.  None of the sequels are worth shit, but the original was excellent.

6 young people go into the forest and not all of them come out.  We’ve seen it before, but this one is classic.  2 people, Zegers and Booth, drop off pretty quickly, but if you want to see them “happily-ever-after” watch the remake of Dawn of the Dead.  Same peeps and in my opinion, cuter in that one.

Anyway, down to 4, you have the handy stranger, Harrington, who is particularly cute while whipping out his skills and hard work and self-sacrifice. There’s the final girl, Dushku, who knows when to move and how to be quiet and cuddles up right to the stranger when it’s necessary even though she just met him 5 minutes ago.  There’s Sisto, who is honestly the smartest of the bunch since he never wanted to go into the inbred-from-the-outside house.  And there’s his girlfriend, Chriqui, who listens well enough, but won’t stop whining.

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It’s a good formula and a perfect little cast of very pretty people.  It’s not so much scary as it is tense, but the kills are nice.  One negative though – the killers are virtually unstoppable.  I hate that and DJ downright loathes it.    It’s good for what it is though.  A disgusting movie with a horrible motive that’s fun to watch.

I give it a 72/100.  DJ only a 54.

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House of Fears (2007)

Directed by Ryan Little.  Written by Steven A. Lee and John Lyde.  Starring Corri English, John Lyde, Alicee Greezyn, Sandra McCoy, Michael J. Pagan and Corey Sevier.

Plot: a group of friends sneak into a haunted house the night before it opens and soon find themselves trapped

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This is an excellent movie for this time of year.  It’s about playing off your fears and we’re all afraid of something, aren’t we?

In this movie, good girl Sam and her step-sister, Hailey, go into a haunted house with Hailey’s boyfriend and super jock, Carter; the comic relief who dies way too early, Zane; the token black, Devon; and the slutty one, Candice.  They are all very stereotypical in their design.  The token black is almost offensive.  But side stepping political correctness, you’ll have a pretty good time watching.

It’s funny.  The actors can actually act.  The rules are good.  The fear statue provided a great motive that worked throughout the film.  It’s rewatchable, with quality innovation, exciting effects and a very special cameo from Jared Padalecki.  Of course, there’s no real time for a boob shot, but we won’t fault them.  This time.

We liked it so much we gave it a 73/100.  Definitely an enjoyable Halloween movie.

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Los Inocentes (AKA Bloody April Fool’s) (2013)

Written and directed by Carlos Alonso-Ojea, Didac Cervera, Marta Diaz de Lope Diaz, Laura Garcia, Eugeni Guillem, Ander Iriarte, Marc Martinez, Ruben Montero, Arnau Pons, Marc Pujolar and Miguel Sanchez. Additional writers are Albert Camps, Celia Lopez, Gerard Marti, Adria Naranjo, Daniel Padro and Lluis Segura.

Starring Diana Gomez, Charlotte Vega, Enric Auquer, Alex Batllori, Mario Marzo, Paula Malia and Alex Mele.

Plot: on April Fool’s Day, a group of friends end up at an abandoned hotel after getting lost – they party and start getting picked off

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This film was made during senior year at ESCAC (Barcelona’s film school).  Hence the oh-so-many names involved.  You’d think having that may hands in the pot might weigh a movie down.  Mess it all up.  But it doesn’t.

It’s a good revenge tell in the vein of Friday the 13th.  There’s a devastating opening that leaves you wanting someone dead.  And then, those someone’s start to die.  Satisfaction!

There’s A LOT of boob shots.  Delightful innovation.  Good acting.  Realistic.  Pleasurable story.  Stomach-churning effects.  The people weren’t very likable, but that was the point.

We were only really disappointed by the ending and the fact that everyone dies too soon. We are left with only 2 people quite early into the film and some of it ends up being a little boring after that.  So, we’d definitely say that the first half is better than the last half, but we still highly recommend it.

We give it a 71/100.

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Backtrack (2015)

Written and directed by Michael Petroni.  Starring Adrien Brody, Jenni Baird and Sam Neill.

Plot: when psychologist Peter (Brody) begins seeing dead people, he returns to his home town to uncover a horrifying truth about his past

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Peter is seeing ghosts.  Not just any ghosts though – all these ghosts seem to have died in 1987.  What’s the connection?  Apparently Peter’s own past.  And he thinks going home is the answer.  So, home he goes and there he uncovers a truth so disturbing it rocks him to his very core.

Well, I had to coax my brother into watching this one.  He doesn’t do Adrien Brody most of the time.  Just something about him DJ hates.  But he liked him in this.  He even started to forget he didn’t like him and just enjoy the film.  That’s how good it is.  On top of that, the mood of the film suggests an ending you’re going to hate, but surprise! – not hateful.

The movie could have been scarier although one scene in particular is quite the jump-scare.  Peter’s quite likable.  A little depressed, but likable.  Also, aside from the satisfying ending, the effects were good and the story was enjoyable.

All together, me and DJ both gave it the high score of 76/100.  Watch it.  It’s almost Halloween after all and good horror is hard to find.

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Kristy (2014)

Written By Anthony Jaswinski. Directed by Olly Blackburn.

Starring: Haley Bennett, Ashley Greene, Lucas Till, Mathew St. Patrick and Chris Coy

Plot: Justine (Bennett) is the lone straggler during Thanksgiving break in her dorm when a group of “thugs” terrorize her and she has to fight back.

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The last half of the movie is better than the first half, so try to stick it out. I think you will find that it is worth the wait, because while she may be stupid in the beginning and not pick up any weapons until after people die she does get inventive when weapons are not available.

We thought the movie had a horrible motive. Light on special effects but the ones they had were good. We disagreed on originality, realism, story, ending and whether or not it was fun to watch, i liked all those things about this movie, Tara on the other hand did not.

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::::::SPOILER ALERT::::::

 

This movie is not without it’s cliches, as a dog dies and the black guy is the first to go. but over all i found the movie to be entertaining and worth watching except maybe the post credits scene which may have been tacky.

Tara liked it ok with a score of 51/100 and i really enjoyed this take on “revenge and self defense” with a score of 76/100

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I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Directed by Sylvain White.  Written by Michael D. Weiss.  Starring Brooke Nevin, Torrey DeVitto and Don Shanks.

Plot: a group of friends accidentally kill one of their own during the July 4th holiday and they lie about it only to have someone who knows about it start killing them a year later

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Why did they keep the prank a secret?  He caused his own death really.  I don’t get it.  Why did they make this piece of trash movie?  It’s highly predictable until the bullshit supernatural ending.  I don’t get it.

I suppose we weren’t supposed to laugh at this movie, but we did.  The whole way through. Why is the fisherman even coming after them?  We didn’t know.  Apparently teenagers aren’t allowed to have secrets.  Apparently, even if it has nothing to do with him, a dead fisherman will come back and start killing you and your friends if you lie.  Whatever!

We didn’t honestly give a shit about anyone, especially the “bad girl” that weighed about 60 lbs. soaking wet.  Even Brooke Nevin, who we loved in Infestation, couldn’t peek our interest in this.  We were just left wondering why so many people we’ve seen make so many better choices, made the choice to make this movie.

Horrible.  Horrible.  More horrible by the second.  We gave it a 17/100.

“The secret dies with you!”

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I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

Directed by Danny Cannon.  Written by Trey Callaway.  Starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddy Prinze Jr., Muse Watson, Brandy, Mekhi Phifer, Jack Black, Jeffrey Combs and Jennifer Esposito.

Plot: same as the first pretty much – someone still knows what these kids did and they’re still coming after them.

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Jennifer needs a vaca after the first movie.  She also apparently needs time away from Freddie, which isn’t even the dumbest move she makes in this movie.  But her boobage is back.  So is her tank top and her spinning and screaming.  It’s a funny movie, again though, not always intentional.  It was entertaining though.  We found it better than the first one.  And DJ has more eye candy to look at, so that shot if up some points for him.

Bad news though, people fought unintelligent.  And what possesses girls in horror movies to get showers alone.

“OMG.  People are dying.  It’s so stressful.  You know what I need to do, get a shower by myself in that big creepy bathroom.”

I figured out the big reveal well before it happened, but this movie was still creepier than the original even though the motive was a bit far fetched.  And sadly there is no Freddy Claws.  Everyone just kept yelling at her.  It’s not like she hasn’t been attacked before. Maybe you should assume she knows what she’s talking about so that you make it through the movie.

I increased my score to 43.  DJ upped his all the way to 51/100.  Wow.

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